Just Maybe
by Augusta.Rose
Summary: A year after the war, Harry returns to Number 4, Privet Drive one last time in search of answers


**The one element of the Harry Potter series that has always disturbed me is the relationship between Harry and the Dursley's, more specifically between Harry and Petunia. For some reason their abuse has always seemed unbelievable to me and I constantly wondered what happened to the Dursleys after the war. This story is my way of redeeming Aunt Petunia and allowing her to tell her side of the story we were told in Snape's memories. A lot of the facts are from the books or from Pottermore but most of the details were fabricated by me. I realize that Petunia is a little out of character in this story but that's the point. Read and review!**

Harry frowned slightly, pausing in the driveway to take in the familiar home. On the outside it looked just as he remembered it; the lawn short and weedless, the bushes neatly manicured; and yet so much had changed since he had last set foot in it. That night he hadn't thought he would ever return. That night he hadn't wanted to.

Over a year had passed since the final battle at Hogwarts and though Harry had had no shortage of things to do, he found his mind drifting back to number four, Privet Drive in moments of solitude. The funerals and memorial services in particular, dozens of which he seemed to attend every week, brought fourth thoughts of his childhood home, leaving him with a nagging feeling. Harry reasoned this was because many of the mourners were grieving loved ones, and the Dursleys were the only family he had and yet no matter how hard he tried to ignore it, how many times he reminded himself how awful they were to him, how much he hated them, something kept drawing him back.

So here he was, just weeks before his 19th birthday, preparing to visit the people who had raised him, one last time.

"You need closure," Hermione had pushed him when he mentioned his plan to return, "especially after everything you saw in the pensive".

She was right, Harry knew. Part of the reason he had to return was to confront Aunt Petunia about her role in everything. He needed answers, once and for all, answers only she could provide. This was assuming, of course, that she would speak to him. Years of neglect had left him expectant of and prepared for her immediate dismissal but he had to try. He had been obsessing over his parents and the prince's tale for months now and this was the only way to move on. Harry sighed, mouth set in resolve as he continued up the steps. Hermione had offered to accompany him on his visit and though at the time he told her that it was something he had to do alone he now wished she was here with him.

Gritting his teeth he closed his eyes and rang the bell, part of him hoping that nobody was home.

He had no such luck however and after a few moments Harry heard the clacking of low heels in the other side of the door growing steadily louder as they drew nearer.

"Coming, coming." Aunt Petunia's voice rang out and Harry braced himself, trying desperately not to apparate on the spot at the door swung open.

Petunia stared at Harry with wide eyes, a look of shock on her face as though she couldn't believe that he was really standing on her front stoop.

"Harry." She said softly.

"Hey." Harry responded meekly, forcing a small smile which Petunia didn't even attempt to return. "Can I err... Can I come in?"

Petunia continued to stare at him in disbelief and for a moment Harry though she was going to slam the door in his face. Just as he was about to cut his losses and get out of there as fast as he could his aunt made a strange sound, somewhere between a groan and a sob and nodded, stepping aside so that he could enter. Harry glanced at her uncertainly but crossed the threshold, feeling more and more uncomfortable with every passing second.

When he had last been in the Dursley house it had been near empty, Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon having packed as much as possible into their car in preparation for their months in hiding. Now, however, the house looked exactly as it always had when Harry was growing up, every object in its proper place as though it had never been disturbed. This, he reasoned, was just what Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon had intended. He wasn't sure what lie they'd made up to explain their year-long absence but, knowing his aunt and uncle, they would want to draw as little attention to it as possible.

"So..." Petunia spoke nervously, leading him into the kitchen and busying herself with the kettle, her back to him. "I'm surprised to see you here Harry. I didn't think I'd ever see you again."

"Me neither." Harry said honestly, fidgeting awkwardly in his seat, trying to remember what he wanted to say. He wasn't used to Aunt Petunia speaking to him in such civilized tones and it threw him off. He had half expected to have to threaten the truth out of her with his wand but wasn't at all prepared for her to sit down at the table across from him and offer him a cup of tea, which is exactly what she did.

Harry took the cup with slight apprehension and hastened to add milk and sugar, avoiding her probing eyes. At last he set his tea down and met his aunt's stare. "Where's Uncle Vernon?" He blurted out, saying the first thing that came to his mind and for a moment he thought she was going to snap at him to mind his own business. "At work." Came her response instead and Harry again marvelled at her politeness. "And Dudley? How's he doing?" He tested hesitantly, wondering what it would take to make this strange new Petunia crack.

"He's very well." Aunt Petunia said stiffly. "He's attending the University of Bristol. He's going to be an engineer."

Harry, who had never imagined Dudley becoming anything, other than maybe a professional wrestler or a thief, didn't know what to say to that.

"He asks about you sometimes." Aunt Petunia said thoughtfully, staring into her tea, oblivious to Harry's discomfort. "Such a sweet boy Dudley is. Was so concerned about whether or not you'd lived when the war ended he didn't watch the television for a week." She chuckled lightly. "Of course Dedalus Diggle did finally ring us to let us know you survived, since it didn't occur to you to inform us yourself. You didn't give us a second thought after you left here, I suppose."

Harry, who had always believed it was the Dursleys who hadn't given him a second thought, gaped at her in shock. "I..I'm sorry." He mumbled at last. "I didn't think you would care. I really didn't".

Aunt Petunia pursed her lips and looked away from him. "Yes well you are my only nephew." She muttered pointedly. "My last blood relative, besides Dudley of course. I would have been troubled if you had died."

Harry was again at a loss for words. This confession from his aunt was basically the equivalent of her telling him she loved him and he had no idea how to respond. He took an enormous gulp of his tea, racking his brains for some way to tell her that he too was glad she hadn't been killed when Petunia turned to faced him again, her eyes filled with tears.

Harry, having never before seen his aunt express so much emotion, choked on his tea and made a big scene of struggling to catch his breath, praying that by the time he surfaced Petunia had pulled herself together.

"I'm glad you came back Harry." Her voice cut quietly through his gasps and Harry was struck by the sincerity of the statement. "I've actually been wanting to talk to you, I just didn't know where to reach you."

Harry looked up, both alarmed and intrigued. What could she possibly have to say to him after years of neglect, years of abuse? And what could he say to her now? All his plans to shout and accuse and demand answers had fallen out the window the instant she'd offered him tea.

"Why?" Was all he could bring himself to say, and Petunia took a deep breath, as though preparing to recite something that she'd been working on for a long time.

"I'm sorry." Were the raw, simple words that finally left her mouth and Harry barely had time to blink before she burst into proper tears, sniffing and wiping her eyes furiously with a tissue.

Harry frowned and poured her another cup of tea, unsure of how to react in this situation. It was certainly not what he'd expected when he'd apparated to Little Whinging that morning and he found himself wishing again that he had allowed Hermione to accompany him to Privet Drive. She would know what to do. She always did.

"Err Aunt Petunia?" Harry began, deciding this was as good a time as any to bring up what he'd seen in the pensive. She was already crying so it couldn't get much worse. "Do you umm..." He trailed off, unsure of how to broach the subject of her childhood. "Do you remember a boy named Severus Snape?"

That caught Aunt Petunia's attention and she pulled her hands from her face abruptly, frowning slightly as though trying to remember. "He lived near you when you were a kid." Harry prompted. "He had black hair and a long nose and-"

"Yes, of course I know who he is." Aunt Petunia snapped and Harry caught a glimpse of the woman he remembered, feeling somewhat comforted. "How could I forget? She-" She paused, her face softening as she glanced at Harry. "Your mother." She corrected herself. "Lily spent every waking moment with him when we were children."

Harry nodded, encouraged by the fact that she seemed willing to talk about it. "That boy, Severus Snape, joined Voldemort, the man who killed my parents," He clarified for Petunia's sake. "when he was a teenager and because of that he and my mother stopped being friends."

"Yes I know." Petunia sniffled impatiently, wiping the last of the tears from her cheeks. She had stopped crying all together now and was looking at Harry with an expression of confusion and mild curiosity. "Why are we talking about him?" She pressed Harry. "What's he got to do with anything?"

"Snape was in love with my mother." Harry explained calmly and Petunia sighed. "Well he wasn't exactly discreet." She rolled her eyes. "All the neighbourhood kids could see it. We used to tease them when they were home for summer vacation."

Harry wasn't surprised. It had been obvious from the memories that Petunia had despised Snape. Of course she would want to embarrass and humiliate him. Shaking his head slightly he continued with his story.

"After they had graduated, not long before I was born actually." He went on. "Snape overhead a sort of psychic woman making a prediction. She said that a baby with the power to defeat Lord Voldemort would be born at the end of July. Snape went and told his master right away. When he found out that Voldemort thought the prophecy was about Lily's son- about me- he was horrified by what he'd done. He went to professor Dumbledore and said he would do anything if only he would protect Lily from Voldemort."

"So it's his fault she's dead then." Petunia spoke matter-of-factly but there was a hardness on her face to suggest this story was affecting her more than she'd let on. "I knew from the beginning he was trouble, I tried to tell her but she wouldn't listen!" Her eyes filled with tears again and Harry allowed her a few moments to collect herself before he progressed further. "Dumbledore did everything he could." He simplified the details for Petunia's understanding. "But Voldemort eventually found me and my parents and he killed them."

"And your mother sacrificed herself for you so he couldn't kill you and his spell rebounded hitting him instead." Petunia took over. "And I'm her last blood relative which is why you had to live here, so her sacrifice would continue to protect you." Harry nodded, surprised by how much she knew yet sensing a bitterness in her voice as though she was comparing herself to Lily even in her death; as though she were the worse mother because she hadn't given up her life to save her son's.

"Right." Harry pressed on. "Well Snape became a spy for Dumbledore in exchange for his efforts to protect my family and from then on worked as a double agent. He started teaching potions at Hogwarts and hated me from the moment I arrived." Petunia's face broke into a small smile at this. "I hated him back." Harry chuckled. "I was convinced he was a bad guy from the first time I saw him and nothing anybody could tell me would change my mind. He sighed. "But it turns out I was wrong. Snape's loyalties lay with Dumbledore from the second Voldemort decided to go after my mother and it was only after his death that I discovered what really happened."

"He's dead?" Petunia questioned softly and Harry nodded. "The night Voldemort was finally destroyed their was a big battle at Hogwarts. People were dying everywhere you looked, most of them from our side. Snape killed Professor Dumbledore the year before when Voldemort and his followers attacked Hogwarts and I had witnessed the whole thing. I hated him for it; as did the rest of our side. He ran away with Voldemort that night and we all turned against him, even those who had believed Dumbledore's claims that he was trustworthy. During the final battle my friends and I saw Voldemort set his snake on Snape. He wanted more power and believed killing him was the way to get it. Snape knew we were there watching and before he died he called me over to him and forced me to take some of his memories. Wizards have a device that lets you view another's memories as though you are an onlooker." He explained. "That was where I finally learned the truth. That Snape loved my mother more than anything else. That everything he did from the moment she died was to protect me, so that her death wouldn't be in vain. That he secretly helped me destroy Voldemort without my knowledge and that he'd only killed Dumbledore because he asked him to do it. Snape was a very good, very brave man." Harry spoke with conviction. "But his memories showed other things too; things from when he was a child, from before he went to Hogwarts. Things that included you. That's why I've told you this story today and that's why I've come to talk to you."

"Mm..me?" Petunia's voice quavered as she looked up at him with wide eyes. "What do I have to do with any of this?"

"You were with Lily when Snape first talked to her." Harry reminded her, determined to keep her talking now that he was so close to getting answers. "You were at a park on some swings and Lily-"

"Flew off the swing." Petunia finished in a hoarse whisper, her face pale and her eyes swimming with memories. "I told her not to; I told her she wasn't allowed. Then _he_ jumped out of the bushes and told her she was a witch." She was silent for a moment, staring down into her now cold tea, the corners of her mouth twitching as she tried not to cry. "What else have you seen?" She stammered, leaning across the table toward Harry, a look of yearning in her eyes. Harry was taken aback. "I..well.." He hastened to find his words. "There was a memory of Snape and Lily lying under a tree talking about Hogwarts. He was telling her all about magic and then you stumbled out from a hiding place and startled them and a branch fell on your head. You shrieked and ran away and Lily blamed Snape and ran after you." Petunia was crying again. Not the steady sobs of before but more of a soft drizzle of tears flowing silently from her eyes as she listened to Harry talk. "Go on." She said thickly. "What else?"

"You were standing on platform 9 3/4 to see Lily off to Hogwarts." Harry rattled on. "You're arguing because Lily found a letter you wrote to professor Dumbledore and she and Snape read it. She tells you she's sorry he said you couldn't come and you get angry and say you wouldn't want to be a freak like her anyway." Petunia completely lost it at this and wept uncontrollably, her perfectly applied makeup streamed down her cheeks and he red rimmed eyes wild. Harry had never seen his aunt like this before and it scared him a bit. She had always prided herself on her ability to keep her composure and to see her break down like this was unnerving. "I didn't mean it!" Petunia wailed. "I didn't!"

Harry retrieved a box of tissues from the loo and slid them across the table to his aunt. He then put on another pot of tea, waiting for Petunia to finish. He needed answers and she couldn't provide them if she was too busy crying.

"Here." He said kindly, setting a fresh cup of tea down in front of her and adding the milk and sugar, remembering how she took it from years of serving it to her.

"Th-thanks." Aunt Petunia blubbered and Harry noted that it was the first time she'd ever genuinely thanked him. "No problem." He smiled to himself, returning to his seat. "Do you think you're ready to talk?"

Petunia hick-upped and nodded.

"When strange things first started happening to Lily I was the one she told." She began unsteadily. "We were the best of friends growing up; we did everything together. At first I was in awe of her abilities. I wanted to be able to do the things she did and got annoyed when she couldn't explain how she did it. I used to sit in my room for hours trying to make my toys move the way Lily could and I nearly broke my arm jumping off the swing. As the big sister I was supposed to do everything first and it frustrated me that Lily could do something I could not. Lily knew I was upset by her powers and in the early days she often used them to help me. If I forgot to do my homework she would somehow make my teacher forget to collect it or if I was being picked on she would make the fire alarm go off. She was a good sister." Petunia sighed sadly. "She was like my own personal superhero and for a while it was okay that Lily was special and I wasn't because she was sharing her magic with me."

"What happened?" Harry asked, thinking of the bitter tone his aunt used when speaking about his mother now.

"That boy happened." Petunia frowned. "That Snape boy. Just like you said he jumped out at us that day in the park and told Lily she was a witch. For a few weeks I was able to keep her away from him but after a while she grew curious. She wanted to hear about wizards and magic and spells and he used to talk to her for hours, filling her head with stories while I listened from a nearby hiding place. Lily began spending more and more time with _him_ and I was hurt to be left out. I felt like Lily was slipping away from me and I grew angry. Just after her eleventh birthday a man with long white hair appeared on our doorstep and asked to speak to our parents."

"Professor Dumbledore." Harry stated and Petunia nodded. "Lily and I listened by the door while he talked to our mum and dad. We both knew what was going on from _his_ stories and Lily could barely contain her excitement. I was, on the other hand, upset. I knew this meant Lily would be going off to boarding school and I didn't want to lose my best friend. While the rest of my family celebrated that night I hid in my bedroom and cried."

Harry was overcome with an odd feeling of sympathy towards his aunt.

"My parents were so proud of Lily, so excited, it was all they could talk about. They took us to Diagon Alley a few weeks after Dumbledore's visit and bought her loads of stuff; they said they didn't want her to be unprepared. I adored looking in all the magical shops and asked my parents if I could have a wand too, but they said no. They wouldn't buy me anything, not even a simple book of spells and I was angry. It wasn't fair that Lily got all this stuff and I didn't. It wasn't fair to tell me there was a whole world of magic out there and then refuse to let me explore it. I desperately wanted to go to Hogwarts with Lily and one night, as my parents were busy sewing labels on her robes and packing her trunk I wrote a letter to Dumbledore. He had seemed so nice when he came to visit and I thought that if I just asked politely he wouldn't be able to turn me down. I told him that while I hadn't been born with magical abilities I could learn them. I promised to study very hard and be the best student Hogwarts had ever had. He was very considerate in his return letter and explained that while he wished he could take me, he simply could not. He told me that though I couldn't do magic I was special in my own way and said that if I tried hard enough I could be anything I wanted. Except all I wanted was to be a witch like my sister. I was devastated that he said no and decided that if I couldn't have magic, it wasn't worth having; that if I couldn't go to Hogwarts, nobody should want to go. My parents accused me of not being supportive of my sister and scolded me when I said I wanted her to stay. They didn't see that it was hard for me. They didn't understand how much I would miss her. When the day finally arrived to send her off my parents made me come to the station. I didn't want to go, for fear that I would break down crying but I had no choice. I asked Lily, one last time, not to go to Hogwarts, to stay with me instead but she refused. I grew cross, resenting her for picking magic over me and when she confessed to having read my letter to Dumbledore I was furious. In my embarrassment I lashed out, calling her a freak and she wouldn't let me apologize, getting on the train without even saying goodbye." Petunia's eyes were watering again and Harry too found himself growing emotional. Just as he'd expected, there was so much more to this than what he'd seen in the pensive.

"I regretted my words the instant they left my mouth." Petunia admitted. "I missed Lily terribly and hated to think that she was mad at me. I wrote her dozens of letters that first semester, pouring my heart out, confessing my jealousy and bitterness, begging for her forgiveness." She paused, her expression distant.

"But I never sent them. I was afraid she would reject me. I was afraid I would embarrass myself again, like what happened with Dumbledore. By Christmas I was so excited to see her that I didn't care that there were twice as many gifts under the tree for her than there were for me. I didn't care that she was all my parents had been talking about for months, despite the top grades that I'd been bringing home to try to earn their praise. It turned out Lily, however, wasn't quite as excited to see me. She ran right past my open arms as we waited for her on the platform and asked my parents to give _him _a ride home too. The two of them spent the entire trip talking about all the magic they learned, ignoring me completely. Lily was sill angry with me for calling her a freak in September and that girl could hold a grudge when she wanted to. She knew that it always bothered me when my parents gave her more attention than me and spent the entire holiday interrupting whenever they so much as asked me to pass the butter, launching into some spell she had learned or some test she had aced. She bragged about her magic constantly and, after giving my parents enormous parcels of magical sweets and jokes for Christmas, proceeded to present me with a pair of socks, claiming she didn't want to "freak me out" with anything too crazy." Petunia was frowning now, as though the memory was painful, and Harry let her take the time, proceeding with the story when she was ready.

"I was relieved when she went back to school." Petunia confided. "When she came home for the summer I made sure to tease her first. I didn't want to be vulnerable again. Her attitude towards me at Christmas had hurt and I wasn't going to let her get to me again." She sighed. "And just like that we went from being best friends to enemies, constantly arguing, constantly trying to outdo one another. Lily had an advantage, of course. Her magic kicked in when she was angry, even without a wand, and I spent the summer with scratches and burns covering my arms and legs. She never meant to physically hurt me but I didn't care. After a few years we stopped fighting so much and began to simply ignore each other. We were cordial and polite when we had to be but mostly we just kept out of each others way, not speaking unless it was absolutely necessary."

She looked sad and Harry realized she was regretful. Petunia hadn't wanted to lose her sister but she would never have believed at the time that in just a few short years she'd be dead. She probably thought they'd have the rest of their lives to mend their relationship.

"There was one time when I thought we were making a breakthrough." Petunia recalled. The summer after her fifth year Lily came home from school all upset. She wouldn't talk to anyone, not even my parents but finally after a few days she opened up to me. She came into my room one night just before I fell asleep, climbed into my bed and told me all about the dangers of the wizarding world; about werewolves and inferi; about Lord Voldemort and his death eaters. She told me things she'd never told my parents for fear they wouldn't let her return to school. And finally she told me that her best friend Severus, the one who had first introduced her to the world of magic, had joined the dark side and she didn't know what to do. I comforted Lily, wiping her tears, hugging her tightly until she calmed down. Long after she fell asleep I lay there, thinking how nice it was to be needed again; how wonderful it felt to protect my baby sister just like I used to. When I woke up the next morning I was sure things would be good between us again; sure we'd go back to the way we used to be. Lily was already up so I smiled at her and told her everything would be okay. Then I saw that she was crying."

"_What do you know?" Lily shouted, her eyes blazing as she stood up abruptly, sending her bowl clattering to the floor. "What do you know about any of this?" Petunia watched helplessly, confused and scared by her sister's behaviour. She had been trying to comfort the younger girl yet all she seemed to have done was upset her more. As Lily drew closer to her, voice raising with every word, Petunia backed away slowly. "Nothing!" Lily screamed. "You don't understand! You'll never understand what it's like. Watching my friends be sucked in, powerless to stop it. Living in fear that I or someone I love will be their next target. Knowing that the world I live in is not safe and likely never will be!"_

_Petunia watched her sister break down in shock "Lily I-" She tried to intervene but her sister cut her off. _

"_No." Lily snorted impatiently, tears streaming down her cheeks and puddling on the floor below. "You don't get it! You're just a stupid muggle!" She exploded with such a rage that Petunia fell to the ground, the force of Lily's emotions rattling through her. Eyes wide with fear, Petunia scrambled to her feet, backing toward the doorway, gaze fixed on her sister as though unsure of what she would do next. Lily looked horrified and began to cry harder still. "Tuney I'm sorry!" She sobbed. "I didn't mean it! I didn't mean to hurt you!"_

_But Petunia had already run from the room. _

My mother told me later that Lily found out that morning that one of her friends was missing. I felt bad for her of course but the damage was done. She had managed to isolate my biggest insecurity; the fact that I was not special like her; and had used her magic against me. It wasn't like when we were younger and Lily hadn't been able to control herself. This time I could see how powerful my sister was becoming. I could see how easy it would be for her to destroy me. And it scared me." Aunt Petunia paused and took several deep breaths.

"The next day she went to stay with one of her friends from school for the rest of the summer. It was months before I saw her again and when I finally did, we both pretended nothing had happened. We didn't know what to say to each other. At Christmas of her final year at Hogwarts Lily brought your father, James, home with her to meet the us all for the first time. He stayed with us for a week before leaving to join his own family celebrations for Christmas. My parents were enamoured with him from the beginning and, though I'd never admit it to Lily, so was I. James was smart, handsome, athletic and funny. He treated Lily like a princess and though my jealousy had subsided somewhat in the last few years it came roaring back with a vengeance when I saw James and Lily together. I was the older sister; I was supposed to fall in love first. And yet no man had ever really payed me any attention. I wasn't pretty like Lily, I wasn't charming. People weren't drawn to me the way they were my sister."

She sighed, hesitantly looking up to meet Harry's eyes. "He was always nice to me, your father was." She spoke quietly. "No matter how nasty I was to him and Lily he always greeted me warmly and smiled when he talked to me. I felt ashamed after he'd left that I had been so rude and vowed to find a boyfriend of my own so that I wouldn't feel so resentful toward my sister. Not long after that I met Vernon." She explained.

"After Lily went back to school for her final term I decided that I had to get out of Cokeworth and make something of myself. She would be graduating in just a few months time and would undoubtedly go on to become something great and I couldn't sit around and watch her get her perfect life while I was stuck on the sidelines. My parents had always valued Lily more than me and I decided to stop trying to please them. No matter what I did Lily was always best so I gave up, dropped out of the nearby University where I was studying to become a primary school teacher and moved to London to pursue a typing course. The work wasn't overly enjoyable but I was good at it and soon I landed an office job at a big firm. Vernon was the junior executive there at the time and I was drawn to him instantly. I had long since decided that if I couldn't have magic I would eliminate it completely from my life, pretending it didn't exist, leading as normal a life as I possibility could. It was the only way to protect myself from more loss, pain and disappointment. And it was much easier to be happy when there weren't constant reminders of what I couldn't have; moving pictures, spell books, crazy candies and the like, lying around the house taunting me. I was more at peace than I'd been in years living in London and Vernon was a big part of that. He was so dull and predictable compared to my crazy family, so deliciously normal that I couldn't help but fall in love with him. He drove a nice car, he came from a respectable family, he liked to do completely ordinary things. He was like no one else I'd met before and I knew he could give me the traditional mundane life that I desperately wanted. I was elated when he proposed." She recalled with a wry smile. "I called my mother right away and we talked for hours about guest lists and caterers and flowers. It was one of the only times I could remember her being completely focused on me and I relished it. My mother offered to help plan the wedding and I accepted immediately, so happy with the way my life was heading that I thought I would burst. There was one small thing nagging at me though- Vernon didn't know about Lily and her abilities and I was afraid he would leave me when he found out. As much as I loved him Vernon was very opinionated and set in his ways and I didn't think he'd be at all open to the idea of a witch in the family."

"You were right." Harry remarked and Aunt Petunia gave a watery chuckle.

"I certainly was." She smiled sadly. "I told him after the movies one day, sitting in his car. I explained to him that while my parents and I were completely normal my sister was able to do magic and had spent the last seven years at a special school learning how to control it. He was shocked, to say the least." Petunia giggled and Harry, trying to picture his uncle learning about magic for the first time, laughed at loud.

"No kidding." He said, amused.

"It was a difficult conversation." Petunia went on, frowning as she recalled the memory. "How was I supposed to explain something that I'd never really understood myself? But in the end Vernon didn't want any details as long as I promised that I wasn't affected by whatever she had as well. I assured him that I was more normal than he was and he promised that he would never hold my freak of a sister against me." She frowned as she said this looking carefully at Harry. "I want you to know that I've never thought of your mother as a freak, even though I've said it myself a few times." She looked ashamed. "Despite all our differences I loved my sister and though I wanted to correct Vernon when he spoke of her so crudely I reminded myself that he had only just learned of magic and it was natural for him to be closed-minded. I thought he would come around after meeting Lily and arranged for a dinner between Vernon and I and she and James a few weeks later. As you can imagine." She said to Harry. "That first meeting went very badly. James hadn't spent much time around non-magic folk before and certainly not anyone as humourless as Vernon and he wasn't quite sure what to make of him. He tried to lighten the mood by making jokes but Vernon was not amused. He thought James was making fun of him and tried to patronize him by asking what type of car he drove and how he got by with no real job. James, having only ever ridden in a car on few occasions, described his broomstick to Vernon and told him about Gringotts and the inheritance that awaited him there in solid gold. This made Vernon extremely uncomfortable and he got angry, unsure of whether or not he was being mocked. I myself grew irritated that Lily hadn't briefed James on how to speak to a normal person and the night ended when Vernon stormed out. I followed him of course, afraid that he would go back on his promise and leave me but he didn't. He simply stated that he hadn't liked those people and would be happy to never see them again. This upset me of course. Lily was my sister and I wanted her in my life. I telephoned her later that night to apologize on Vernon's behalf and she did the same for James. We agreed that the next meeting would be better. Sadly, it didn't happen. I decided after talking with my mother that I didn't want to have any bridesmaids at my wedding. I'd never had too many friends and while part of me wanted Lily to be up there with me I didn't want to be overshadowed at my own wedding. I knew Lily didn't mean to steal the spotlight but I really wanted to be the centre of attention for once in my life and when I tried to explain that to Lily she got hurt. She and James still came to the wedding but

she barely spoke to me and, to make matters worse, Vernon still hadn't gotten over the dinner with James and told everyone who asked that he was an amateur magician. Lily didn't return my phone calls for weeks after the wedding and just when I had finally given up on repairing our relationship I received an invitation in the mail inviting me to her and James' wedding. I wrote her back at once, promising to be there and assuring her that Vernon would not be and she phoned me later to tell me she was glad I was coming. I looked forward to her wedding for weeks, planning what I would wear, what I would say, spending hours and hours crafting the perfect gift."

"So what happened?" Harry was genuinely interested as though Aunt Petunia was telling him a riveting bedtime story and she looked pleased with herself.

"Vernon was to drive me to the station where I would catch a train to Godric's Hollow. James and Lily had recently bought a house there and the wedding reception was to take place in the backyard."

"So you went?" Harry asked, listening intently and Petunia shook her head sadly.

"Vernon tripped as we were leaving the house and dislocated his shoulder. I took him to the hospital but by the time they patched him up I had missed my train and there wasn't another until the next day. I called Lily as soon as I got home but she was busy getting married of course and I wasn't able to get a hold of her until weeks later when she returned from her honey moon."

"_Lily? Oh thank god you picked up! I've been calling you for weeks!" Petunia spoke breathlessly into the phone. _

"_James and I were out of the country." Lily told her softly. "We honey mooned in Fiji." _

"_Ah right! That must have been amazing!" Petunia gushed. "Listen Lily, about the wedding-"_

"_You don't have to explain." Lily cut in. _

"_No, no, I do." Petunia insisted. "Vernon had an accident as we were leaving and I got stuck with him at the hospital. I missed my train."_

_There was silence on the other end as Petunia waited for Lily's forgiveness, her smile fading when her sister finally spoke._

"_Maybe it was for the best." Lily voiced quietly. "Maybe it's a sign."_

"_A-a sign?" Petunia questioned, not understanding what Lily was implying. "What do you mean?"_

"_It's just, you and I have been struggling to get along for nearly a decade now." She said cautiously. "I know its hard for you to be around me and my lifestyle and I feel bad about it." Lily sighed. "But I'm sick of walking on egg shells whenever we're together; of having to tone down who I am and what I can do to make you feel comfortable." Petunia didn't know what to say. _

"_And now, with our husbands not liking each other," Lily continued. "I just feel like it might be best if we went our separate ways, at least for a little while. You're still my sister!" Lily added hastily when Petunia didn't say anything. "And I'll always love you! I just think maybe it's time we accepted the fact that we'll never be as close as we were when we were kids." Her voice quavered as she spoke. "I want to keep in touch though! We can write letters? And maybe someday in the future we'll be able to give this another shot?"_

_On the other end of the phone line Petunia's mind raced. Was Lily really doing this to her after all she'd put her through these last few years? Was she really giving up on them when they were so close to mending their relationship? When she was younger Petunia had always dreamed of growing up with her baby sister by her side; of supporting each other through weddings, jobs and pregnancies; of raising their children together. She didn't want to have to give that up. She was mad at her sister for even suggesting it. _

"_Tuney?" Lily asked tentatively, unsure if the other woman had hung up on her and Petunia frowned, her sorrow instantly replaced with anger, fire blazing in her eyes. _

"_Fine." She hissed into the phone, twisting the cord around her fingers in exasperation. "Fine. If that's the way you want it, we don't ever have to talk again!"_

"_No, Tuney, wait!" Lily pleaded but Petunia had already slammed down the reciever._

"I was mad at her." Petunia tearfully tried to justify herself to Harry. "I knew she was right but I didn't want to admit it. I was too proud." She sighed. "Lily called several times over the next few months, but I didn't pick up." Petunia spoke with deep regret. "Then she tried writing letters but I never answered them. Eventually she stopped trying." She looked up at Harry with glistening eyes. "The last piece of correspondence I ever received from Lily was an announcement of your birth. It was a simple clipping, cut from the magical newspaper and featured your name, birthday, weight and length along with a small, grainy picture of you and your parents." She wiped her nose. "Vernon was there when I opened it and it was his first time seeing a moving photograph." She gave a watery chuckle. "He was deeply disturbed by it so I tossed it in the bin. Later, after he and Dudley were asleep I fished it out." Petunia confessed to Harry. "I was always partial to those moving images."

She had a distant look in her eyes and Harry realized that this was probably the first time she'd spoken about any of this. It was clearly hard for her but Harry liked seeing this vulnerable side of his Aunt. Sure it was strange but, for the first time, she finally seemed like a real person to him. The first time she didn't appear cold and stone-like.

Petunia took a shaky breath but carried on with her story. It seemed that now that she'd started talking about her sister she was unable to stop.

"I found you." She blinked furiously. "I was putting out the milk bottles that morning and nearly stepped on you, wrapped in blankets just lying on our doorstep. I shouldn't have been surprised I suppose." She said begrudgingly. "Just the day before Vernon told me he'd seen strange people in the streets, and the evening news was full of reports of owls in broad daylight and unusual showers of shooting stars."

Harry, who had never before heard the story of how he'd arrived at the Dursley's other that Uncle Vernon's constant reminders that he had been dumped on their doorstep like a bag of rubbish, soaked up every words his aunt spoke attentively.

"I screamed when I saw you and woke you up. You started wailing at the top of your lungs and when you realized that you were in a strange place with people you didn't recognize you cried even harder. Vernon came out to see what the commotion was and when he saw you in my arms he just about fainted. We knew who you were right away, even though we'd never seen you before. You looked just like your father. And I think we both understood what had happened. I took you inside at once and made you a bottle and even though Vernon was standing by my shoulder the entire time rattling on about how you couldn't stay, how you would be a freak like your parents and put Dudley in danger, I had already decided to keep you. As you drank your bottle you looked up at me properly for the first time since I found you and it was like staring into the eyes of my baby sister; of the little girl I'd once loved and protected above all else. The sight stirred in me both longing and regret and I knew that regardless of what Vernon said you would stay with us. My sister and I had parted on bad terms but this was how I could make it up to her; I would raise her child as my own." She paused and Harry couldn't help but wonder what had happened. Sure he had stayed with the Dursley's but he certainly hadn't been raised like Dudley.

"Tucked into your blanket was a letter from Dumbledore." Petunia recalled. "He explained that Lily and James had been murdered by a powerful dark wizard but that you had somehow survived and Voldemort had disappeared. He wrote that while the war seemed to be over for now he was certain Voldemort would rise again and that in order for you to be safe you must live here. He said that your mother's sacrifice is what protected you and that since she and I were blood related her magic would continue to shield you as long as you stayed with us. Vernon wasn't happy about the letter but he disgruntingly agreed and went to the store to pick up another crib. It was only after he left that I allowed myself to breakdown over Lily's death. We'd been fighting for the last few years but I'd always assumed we'd make up eventually. I never imagined she would be gone so soon." She looked anguished.

"That afternoon, when Vernon got back he told me he'd come up with a plan to try to squash the magic out of you. He though that if we didn't tell you about your past; if we raised you as a normal kid; maybe you wouldn't develop any powers. I knew this was impossible. Magic is innate, professor Dumbledore had told me that much in his first letter, and you either had it or you didn't. I was positive you had it since Lily had been so powerful but I agreed to try Vernon's method for two reasons. Firstly, because I had seen the damage magic could inflict; what with dropping a branch on my head as a child, making me fall over, killing my sister; and it scared me. I thought my family would be safer without it. Magic had only caused me pain in my life, stealing my parents' attention, ruining my relationship with my sister and it hadn't done Lily much good either. Part of me believed you would be better off without it. And secondly, because I had grown up with a witch for a sister and I didn't want Dudley to feel the inadequacy I had experienced as a child. I was certain that if we told you you were a wizard he would feel jealous and left out and I didn't want that for him. I was determined to make sure he knew how much I loved him, knew that unlike with me and my parents, he was my topmost priority and would always have my attention." She frowned, looking at Harry in shame. "I guess that in my strive to ensure Dudley was taken care of I neglected you somewhat." She admitted. "But it wasn't my intention initially." She sighed. "Did you know that when you first came to us you slept in the small bedroom upstairs?" Harry shook his head. "As you grew older you loved playing in the cupboard under the stairs and one day I jokingly suggested to Vernon that we moved you there. He took the idea seriously and the next day I came home to find you napping in there on your new bed. I tried to argue with Vernon but he insisted you wanted to sleep there and said that now the small bedroom could be a playroom." Harry raised his eyebrows at her in disbelief but she nodded stubbornly.

"It's true!" She cried. "And you really did love it in there so I let you stay. I thought we could move you back to the bedroom when you were older. And we did!" She reminded him. "It was just a bit later than I originally planned." Harry couldn't argue there and Petunia continued. "And remember you arrived with no possessions except your blanket and the clothes on your back. It made sense to dress you in Dudley's hand-me-downs. In those days we couldn't afford to buy a whole new set of clothes. In the early years you were just about the same size anyway." She sighed, voice softening slightly. "Look Harry I'm not trying to justify how we treated you all these years. I know there's no excuse for the way Vernon and I behaved and I'm truly sorry. In trying to keep my boy from feeling left out I excluded you instead and you didn't deserve it. You didn't deserve any of it."

Harry opened his mouth to retort that he most certainly did not and that this apology was coming far to late and was surprised when something completely different left his lips. "I forgive you." He uttered simply, knowing it was true the second he heard it aloud, and Petunia burst into tears, knocking her chair to the ground as she dove across the table to hug him. Harry patted her back awkwardly, struck by the strangeness of the situation. As a child he had wanted nothing more than a little love and attention from his aunt and now that she was delivering it to him he wasn't quite sure how to respond.

"I get so ashamed whenever I think of Lily now." Petunia blubbered. "She would hate the way I've treated you; hate what I've become. Lily was such a good person." She cried. "And as hard as I tried I was never able to be as selfless and giving as she was. I never had the strength she had. You though," She looked Harry directly in the eyes. "You are just like her. You're kind and generous and brave. And nothing makes me prouder than to see what you've become." She looked at him fondly, tears still flowing down her cheeks. "You've grown into a great man Harry Potter." She said strongly. "With no help from Vernon or me. Your parents would be pleased."

Harry, not used to such compliments from his aunt, was surprised to find tears pooling in his own eyes and allowed Petunia to hug him again, even retuning the embrace a little bit. "I'm so glad you came back." She said softly, giving him one final squeeze and pulling away. "So glad."

"I am too." Harry told her, and he meant it.

"Oh!" Petunia gasped suddenly, wiping her eyes on her sleeve and hurrying out of the kitchen. "Wait here Harry, I've got something for you."

Confused to what it may be, Harry seized the opportunity to collect himself, blowing his nose hard and mopping his eyes. Talking about his parents always made him emotional but he hadn't shed tears over their death in years.

Petunia returned mere moments later with an enormous box balanced in her arms. "Remember when I said I wrote letters to your mother during her first year away?" Petunia asked him, smiling excitedly as she set the box on the table. "Remember how I said I never sent them?" Harry nodded. "Well I didn't stop after just that one year." She confessed. "I've been writing letters to her throughout my whole adult life. Throughout your whole life!"

Harry gaped at her in surprise. "You mean-"

"Yes." Petunia said with vigour. "After every argument, every fight, I wrote her a letter. On every Christmas and birthday I wrote her a letter. On my wedding day, and on hers I wrote her a letter." She spoke happily. "There are letters from the day Dudley was born, and the day you were; from when you were left on our doorstep and from the first time you showed signs of magical ability. There are letters from the day you got your first Hogwarts letter, from when you left for your first year at school, from when you escaped in a flying car and from when you blew up Marge." They shared a laugh. "I want you to have these Harry." Petunia said seriously. "I think they'll tell you more than I ever could."

"Absolutely." Harry didn't hesitate. "Thank you Aunt Petunia."

Petunia smiled and gathered him into a hug one last time. "There's some other stuff in there too Harry." She told him as she walked him to the door. "Some old photos of Lily growing up. All the letters she ever sent me. Some things she left at my parents house that I managed to save before it was sold. I've been saving it for you."

"Thank you." Harry said again, stepping our the door and onto the front stoop and turning to face her. "For everything."

Petunia gazed at him for a few moments. "That's just where you were lying when I first met you." She beamed through her tears. "Keep in touch Harry. I know Dudley would like to see you."

Harry nodded. "If either of you are ever in London, look me up." He said seriously and Petunia bowed her head. "We will." She promised. "Goodbye Harry Potter."

Harry walked away, smiling as he realized that Aunt Petunia had called him by his name more times today than she had his entire life. With mixed feelings of relief, sadness and elation clashing in his heart he carried the large box to a nearby playground and settled himself on a bench under the shade of a tall tree. For a moment Harry watched the kids play, recalling more than one occasion that Aunt Petunia had brought him here when he was a child. Maybe she hadn't been as horrible as he remembered, Harry concluded, eyes fixed on two little boys on the swings, their legs pumping furiously as they tried to out do one another. Maybe she really had cared.

Smiling to himself Harry opened the box, picking up the top most envelope. It was plain and white, a single name _Lily Evans Potter _wasscrawled across the front in a handwriting he recognized as his aunt's. The envelope was unsealed and Harry slid from it a thin sheet of paper covered in slanted text. Swallowing, he took a deep breath and began to read.

May 12th, 1998

Dear Lily,

It has been ten days since we received word that the war is over, a week since we returned home to Privet Drive and only just today did we learn that Harry is alive. Thank goodness. I've been holding my breath waiting for news and to finally have my fears put to rest has been a relief. I must say, I didn't expect the war to be over so soon. From what I remember the last time Voldemort was in power he reigned for much longer than the three years he did this time. According to Mr. Diggle, who has become somewhat of a friend to us during these past few months, it was Harry who finally finished off Lord Voldemort. He is dead. For good this time, I've been assured. He's never coming back.

I had a lot of time to think when we were in hiding this year; a lot of time to reflect on who I am and the decisions I've made. And I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry. I'm sorry I let my jealousy get in the way of our relationship. I'm sorry I never returned your calls or letters in the year before you died. But most of all I'm sorry for the way I treated Harry. I thought I had gotten over the whole wishing I was a witch thing when I took him in, I really did. Never did I expect to be envious of a little boy. But I was. His first bursts of magic stirred a resentment in me that had long since been dormant and I treated him badly because of it. I know there is no excuse for my behaviour and if the situations were reversed you would have raised Dudley without question as a second son but I intend to set things right at the earliest opportunity.

These past few months in hiding really put into perspective what's important in life and made me realize that I do care for Harry. He's the only nephew I've got, after all, and my last connection to you. Now that the war is over and we are all safe I'm not sure if Harry will ever visit again. But I hope he does. I want to make up for the years of neglect and abuse. I want to tell him stories of you when you were little and of the adventures we used to have together. I want to apologize.

Last night I lay awake thinking about Harry; wondering where he was, and it occurred to me why the possibility of his death disturbed me so much. I didn't want him to leave this world angry with me the way you did. I didn't want him die thinking that nobody cared about him. Thinking that _I_ didn't care about him. Now, to know he's alive, I feel like I've been given a second chance. If only he'll let me take it.

I am deeply ashamed of my behaviour these past eighteen years but I like to think that something good came out of it. Harry learned to defend himself, after all, from Dudley's constant teasing. He learned to be smart; to survive.

In spite of me and Vernon and our neglect Harry has grown into a strong and capable young man. It seems like just yesterday I found him on my doorstep and now here he is, defeating the most powerful dark wizard of all time. You and James would be proud Lily. I know I am.

All my love,

Petunia

Harry read the letter over twice then leaned back on the bench, his aunts words playing over in his mind. The letter had been written just over a year ago, he noted. Aunt Petunia had been waiting to make amends for a year.

So she did care, Harry smiled to himself. She hadn't been lying today when she'd apologized. He jumped up, suddenly feeling light and joyous and gathered up the box of letters in his arms. Maybe, he dared to dream, just maybe, he and his aunt could repair their relationship for him mother's sake. Maybe he still had a chance at getting the family he'd always wanted. Harry laughed out loud, throwing one last look at number 4 before leaving the park with a spring in his step. As he walked toward a nearby alley to apparate back to Grimmauld place Harry found himself hoping that Aunt Petunia and Dudley would show up in London some time. He pictured his cousin meeting the portrait of Mrs. Black and suppressed a smirk. Introducing Dudley to the world of magic would be fun and Harry intended to enjoy every minute.


End file.
